Learning to accept pain when the reality is utter crap


It’s been one year since I had my hip reconstruction and has been quite the journey – mentally, physically and emotionally.

Initially I was told that there was a screw loose in my hip and so I went into shock at the time. I was still in the hospital, had large doses of painkillers pulsing through me and didn’t understand what it all meant.

Over the first few days I noticed that my lower leg wasn’t moving as it should and I kept on telling the nurses. They assured me that it was normal from the local anesthetic in my hip but something didn’t seem right. Eventually after a few days I was adamant that something was amiss as I find it hard rotating my foot and so once again I told this to the doctors.

I was then on the phone to my surgeon via Facetime as he looked at my leg and after a painful MRI, having to move from hospital bed to hospital, after major surgery it was discovered that I had a haematoma on my right glute, possibly as a result of the loose screw and that it had irritated my sciatic nerve.

For the first few months after my surgery I didn’t really sleep due to severe nerve pain. If you haven’t experienced it there is no way of describing the agony and burning that takes place in your foot. Eventually after weeks of upping the nerve pain medication I finally got some relief, and some sleep, and since then have been on the road to recovery.

These last few days I have been again feeling frustrated at a foot that has been effected by nerve pain and doesn’t seem fixed and a body that doesn’t do as I want it to do.

Over this time I have learned acceptance of my body and it’s abilities.

I have practiced letting go of the expectations I have of what I can and can’t do.

I have had to be patient, with myself, others, and my body.

I have experienced resentment towards my body and the pain I have experienced at various times.

I have practiced self-compassion, when times have been hard and I have turned against myself. 

When I was in severe pain, mindfulness meditation enabled me to be in the moment. To be with the pain, to visualise and accept, rather than resist and grasp.

I have been frustrated, angry, sad, amazed and excited.

Have there been any events in your life that you can learn from?

I would love to know if there is anyone who relates or has a similar story. Please comment below and share your story, I would love to hear.

Here is the latest Holistic Living Live video. It is in the beginning stages of development so no fancy cameras here! However, the message comes across loud and clear and that is the main thing.

With Love,

Tess xx

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